OPINION
What’s funnier than kissing a woman on the mouth without her consent, right? There’s no more natural way to introduce a little light entertainment to any black-tie function than to impinge on a woman’s boundaries and bodily autonomy - you know, for the LOLs.
This was the situation that ABC journalist Leigh Sales found herself in, when she was greeted onstage at a black-tie charity fundraiser by an unwanted kiss on the mouth from retired businessman Phil Newman. Newman, who was tasked with introducing Sales as the host for the event at Hilton Hotel in Sydney, offered his cheek for Sales to kiss, before turning his head at the last minute and kissing Sales on the lips.
Sales reportedly responded by screaming, before approaching the microphone to say, “Hashtag me too.” She then carried on with her hosting duties for the night. The incident was reportedly met with audible gasps from the 200-plus crowd in attendance at the event.
Newman, who said that, on reflection, he was “horrified” and “embarrassed” by his behaviour and was “upset [his] judgement wasn’t better”, claimed the incident was a joke. “It was an attempt at light humour and entertainment to start the night off.”
This “humour” sounds just as funny as the 'joke' Adrien Brody made at Halle Berry’s expense during the 2003 Oscars, when he grabbed her and dipped her into a kiss while accepting his Best Actor award. When Brody released a visibly uncomfortable Berry, he said, “I bet they didn’t tell you that was in the gift bag!” Classic. Gags.
But it’s all in good fun, just a little bit friendly – like when bishop Charles H Ellis III at Aretha Franklin’s funeral groped Ariana Grande’s breast as he pulled her into an embrace in front of the congregation. The officiant apologised for his actions after photographers caught the grope on film. “Maybe I crossed a border, maybe I was too friendly or familiar,” he told press. Still, Grande was roundly criticised by the public because the length of her dress was considered “disrespectful” for a funeral. You know, just as part of the harmless, familiar fun.
It’s easy to imagine how men think to take advantage of women’s forced intimate reactions with them when we consider how often we are compelled into close personal contact with strangers because of our bizarre custom of kissing women on the cheek by way of greeting, when a simple handshake suffices for men.
It’s fair to say that there’s nothing explicitly funny about invading someone’s space in public, on stage, in an attempt at “humour” – but is there anything really right about the protocol for kissing strangers on the cheek when we greet them just because they’re women?
With due deference to Emily Post, we should not be forcing intimacy with any person we do not know and are meeting for the first time. But we also shouldn’t reinforce ridiculous binaries by forcing one greeting on women and another on men.
When I was sometimes the only woman in an all-male group, and thus would receive a cheek kiss when the rest would get a handshake greeting, I asked my male friends to greet me using a handshake like everyone else. While some of the men responded thoughtfully to the challenge, others argued, sulked and deliberately continued to kiss me on the cheek in greeting – or made a show of shaking my hand, as if I was asking for them to curtsy when I entered a room. (Note to self: must start asking friends to do this.)
In fairness to Newman, he apologised and there are plenty of people who don’t know how to be self-reflexive and express regret when they behave badly.
Nevertheless, the one thing we need to take away from this is this – and say it with me now: stop invading women’s personal space and bodily autonomy, even if arcane social rules make you think you can. Just don’t do it.
