I’m the first to admit that in the past, I’ve been guilty of making New Year’s resolutions and forgetting about them as quickly as I’ve made them. But this year, my resolution has nothing to do with going to the gym or sticking to a diet.
This is the year I’m going to try and work towards a lighter mind - and in turn, hopefully become a less stressed, more present parent.
Over the years, since becoming a mum-of-two, I’ve become the person (like many women) who bears a lot of the visible and invisible mental load in our family. From keeping track of family birthdays, to knowing which kid has which doctor’s appointment/activity/dress up day at school and which child currently hates broccoli, it’s all the little things that keep the cogs turning in our household. In addition to this are the pressures of work that continually hums in the background, and it often feels like my mind’s a constant blur of things to do.
Over the years, since becoming a mum-of-two, I’ve become the person (like many women) who bears a lot of the visible and invisible mental load in our family.
It’s something I’ve just taken on board and learned to live with, but as a result, it often means my patience with my kids wears thin as waves of overwhelm hit at the most inopportune of times. There are moments throughout the day - whether it’s one of my boys refusing to get in their car seat when we’re already running late or a rejection of what’s in front of them for dinner - where I’ll snap because it’s all just getting too much. And when it does happen, the guilt naturally follows.
After realising that what triggers these feelings is often when I’ve committed to a lot more than I can reasonably manage, this year, I’m doing everything I can to lighten the mental load. I’m looking at everything on my plate, to see what I can do to try and pare things back, streamline processes and in turn, free up my mind a little more.
I know I’m in an incredibly privileged and fortunate position to be able to do this, and in no way do I take it for granted. Because ultimately, lightening my mental load, also means that I have others around me who I can rely on to help, and also the circumstances that gifts me the ability to do so.
But it also comes down to wanting to help myself. I’m a people pleaser from way back, and it’s meant that I’ve had to work hard on saying no - and meaning it. I’m often guilty of saying yes, when I know I don’t really have the capacity to take something on. By being able to filter the things that I know I can genuinely do from those that I can’t, I’m hoping it will naturally help to curb those moments of overwhelm. Additionally, I know that at times, I bring on stress for myself with being overly ambitious with what I can actually achieve in a set time frame. This year, I’m trying to make peace with the fact that sometimes ‘done is good’, and that my bar of expectation doesn’t have to be so high.
I’m a people pleaser from way back, and it’s meant that I’ve had to work hard on saying no - and meaning it.
Ultimately, I also have to get comfortable asking for help when I need it. Often, I’m guilty of doing certain tasks because I think it’s just easier to do it myself. But those little tasks add up, and when they do it’s often when I feel overcome by the relentless nature of it all. I’m lucky to have a husband who is willing and able to help, so this year, I’m going to try and re-work how we approach everything in our household, from who does the grocery shopping to who ensures the snacks are organised for a day out. And when life inevitably gets a little more manic than usual, it’s those times where I shouldn’t be afraid to ask for some assistance to lighten the load.
I know that my current life stage naturally goes hand in hand with being busy. Two kids under four, work and a household to run means that there will always be things to do or plan. But I also know that I’m a better mum when my mind doesn’t have so many tabs open. I have more patience, I’m more present and I’ve got a little more energy to deal with the unexpected when it does happen.
So, I’m determined to see this new year’s resolution end up a little differently than its predecessors. I’m steadfast in my commitment that it will still be in place long after the initial flurry of excitement that goes hand in hand with a brand new year has passed. Because my kids deserve the best version of me they can get. And that’s motivation enough for me.
Tania Gomez is a freelance writer.
