After carrying, growing and birthing a baby before taking care of it pretty much till adulthood and beyond, it’s that time of year again where mothers get the recognition they so very much deserve - with a pair of fluffy socks or maybe even a bouquet of flowers picked up last minute from the petrol station.
In case you can’t tell, I don’t completely buy into Mother’s Day much like the other so-called Hallmark holidays, such as Valentine’s Day. But I also see how for many people this a chance to give thanks or do something special for the maternal figures in their lives.
Give mums the recognition for what they are going through and then make some changes
But Mother's Day can be so much more than the commercial day it is. If we wanted to properly celebrate it, rather than giving your mum a pair of slippers, or a teapot, or even breakfast in bed, wouldn't it be better to give her the recognition for what she is going through and then make some changes in your own behaviour at home? I'm looking at the dads here.
Here are the facts: mothers on average do twice as much household work and child-caring compared to fathers. Mothers also on average work more than fathers but most of their work is unpaid, involving domestic chores and caring for family members.
Upon hearing the pitter patter of feet heading to the bedroom door with a tray bearing breakfast items, most mothers would flush with love, at the same time many of them would know it’ll be left to them to deal with the mess the resulting breakfast in bed has caused.
Most of us mums are also deeply tired and often feel like we are failing to meet unrealistic expectations
It might seem ungrateful to even talk like this – after all the way mothers are presented in the media is happy and swooning and gushing about their children as they gulp coffee and hit the gym before heading to their fulfilling jobs, then coming home and creating a three course healthy meal - all while being emotionally and physically present for their children. What society often doesn’t acknowledge is that while we are trying to do all that, most of us mums are also deeply tired and often feel like we are failing to meet unrealistic expectations.
Of course we set most of these expectations on ourselves. We have been fed a diet of believing we can ‘have it all’. But as most of us know, the truth of having it all is pretty much a lie.
As a survey in the US showed, 93% of mothers reported feeling burned out occasionally. I’m sure the stats would be similar here. As mothers, we are often in a state of feeling rushed while we try to juggle an extraordinary number of things that often fall beyond children, work and occasionally even our partners.
Of course something has to give, and often that is our career. This has lead to falling workforce participation rates for women. For example, part-time employment is more common for women now than it was 40 years ago.
We also need a village to support a mother
The rise in part-time work for women has also meant that we are becoming financially disadvantaged. The gender pay gap often occurs because part-time work is available in lower paying industries. This then leads to the fact that women have far less retirement savings or Super than men, which means many women are living their final years in poverty.
These are some sobering statistics to consider as you rush to buy that last minute present for your mum.
In my case I'm lucky that I have a partner who helps equally when it comes to domestic chores. He is also a very present and active father. But it can’t be just about one person. It has to be about all of us.
I'd much rather have a day where instead of focusing on what gifts to buy mothers, we mark it by considering what changes have occurred in the previous year that improved the lives of women and mothers to this point.
As the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child. But we also need a village to support a mother. We need a concerted societal effort to make changes to how mothers are treated, before we can take a step back, pat ourselves on the back and say this has truly been a Happy Mother’s Day. Till then, breakfast in bed and fluffy socks it is.
Now before you go taking her that breakfast in bed, make sure you've cleaned up the mess in the kitchen you've left behind.
